An Open Letter To DayQuil.

I'm currently sick.
I dunno whats wrong with me...
could be flu
could be a cold
but what I do know
is that you, Dayquil, are not doing your job.
I spent money on you Dayquil. Which is like hiring an employee.
I hired you to fix me.
But pack up your shit
cuz you just got a new job in my garbage can.

As a sick individual, the last thing I want....is to be more sick.
Dayquil, you haven't made me more sick, so I'll give you that.
But you certainly haven't made me LESS sick.
Which, if i'm not mistaken, is why i bought you in the first place.

For the $15 I threw down, you'd think that maybe you'd be able to clear up the never ending flow of colored water that seems to find it's way out of my face.
But no Dayquil.
No.
You apparently couldn't dry up my leaky head fluids with a towel.

You've also managed to increase my body temperature at an alarming rate.
I started out this mess of a flu without a fever...WITHOUT.
and every time I think about having to take another one of you...
I can feel a steady increase of forehead heat equivalent to that of which cooks eggs.

Dayquil let me ask you something:

When YOU'RE sick...
have you ever tried to open a package of you?
No, no you have not.
Because its fuckin near IMPOSSIBLE.
I had to use scissors to open your blister packs.
and the SCISSORS couldn't even believe how fuckin hard you were to open.
They were like "dude...this is crazy"
and i was like "ya scissors....i know."

I honestly can't imagine what the fuck you were thinking when you created those space age reinforced steel blister holding cels.
But if I had to guess....
you were probably thinking along the lines of "hey....this easy to open tissue paper that holds a medicine capable of curing nothing needs to be more complicated for the weak and the sick to open...so lets add in some hard plastic that even the plastic company thinks is a bit much."

When I finally DID get a package of you open...
I was quick to discover that the pill I had to swallow
was roughly the size of a small boat.

I even went as far to pile in a bunch of tiny immigrants and float them off the coast of Nova Scotia in hopes they'd find bigger and better things abroad.

And hopefully upon their return
they'll bring me some medication that i can fuckin swallow.

love justin.