An Open Letter To Telus.

Hello Telus.
This is by no means difficult for me to say at all:

I think we need some time apart.

And by 'think' I mean: We're over.
And by 'some time apart' I mean: eat shit.

I can confidently say without even the slightest margine of error...
That none of this emotional collapse is even remotely my fault.
It's all you babe.
I'm pretty sure I was clear about how thin the ice you were standing on was.

And baby....
You just fell in.



I tried remaining calm when callers to my motorola paperweight would leave a voicemail...
and i wouldn't get it.

I tried keeping my cool when text messagers would send me a text that extended into 2 messages....
but i wouldn't get the second part until the next day...
Or even at all
Or get the first page twice. (and we're all aware about my feelings on that.)

I REALLY tried keeping my anger under control when you would freeze as I tried to text the double page texter about how i didn't recieve the second page to the double page text.

But Telus.
There is truly no excuse for charging me what I've paid
and providing me with a piece of mechanical abortion that doesn't even meet it's basic fundamental purpose.

Telus.
I do not ever turn my phone off...
do you know why?

IN CASE SOMEONE WANTS TO GET A HOLD OF ME YOU PIECES OF SHIT.

I had more people tell me to turn my phone on because your poisonous company couldn't correctly provide me with a product that would fufill it's purpose in my life.
it's simple purpose.
simple.
simple.
purpose.
Someone calls me....and i answer.
because i paid you for that.....and that's what phones do.

a phone really only has one purpose.
But when yours don't recieve phone calls...
then how in the fuck am i supposed to do what i need to do?
How in the fuck....do I plan my day.....based on the fact that I am in posession of a phone that can up and decide without notice....that it's not going to be a phone today.
What in the fuck Telus??
Did you give your phones a fuckin conscience?
An ability to up and decide for itself one day that there had to be more to life?
It's like my goddamm phone had an epiphany one day and just gave the fuck up on recieving phone calls then packed it's shit and moved to New York to be a coked out bloated stage whore.

Thats what you've given me Telus.
A coked out, bloated, stage whore of a mechanical abortion.
Thats a far cry from a FUCKIN TELEPHONE.
And you're responsible for every ounce of it.

But you know what Telus.
We came into this relationship happy.
You were happy screwing others
and I was happy that I didn't own one of your phones.

Well Telus.
I'm happy once again.
Because we're over.
We're through Telus.
It's done.

But all in all I must thank you.
Truthfully and honestly...
for providing me such an incredible confetti show when I finally used your telephone as a baseball.
Who knew that cell phone organs could be so beautifully scattered over a backyard in the sunlight.

So thank you Telus.
I truly beg of you to make your phones bigger and chunkier
so that when others use your phones as a replacement for sports equipment....

they'll be just as happy as i was.



love justin.